生活就是我们的生活。有时我们对他们的感觉非常强烈，世界需要知道。这是我们2018年最精彩的演讲。

证实：女人裤子上的口袋真是胡说八道

As you can see, the evidence is shocking (to men who don’t really talk to women that much).

沐浴露是个骗局，你上当了

I call hogwash on body wash. It’s essentially pureed, watered-down bar soap that costs four times as much.

调酒师应该给人嘘嘘

A few friends chafe at the shushing; they’re still my friends, but I’ve learned something about them.

你的通知在骗你

How often do you truly need an interruption to your day, a thing that sets your pants buzzing and makes you drop what you’re doing, be it work or play, and rush to take a different action? Maybe once or twice a day, right? So why are notificati*** bugging you all the time?

别再问你孩子他们的日子了

School has taken its toll. Now they’re out of school. What’s the last thing they want to talk about? School.

提醒：你应该得到报酬

Struggling to make ends meet does not make you a better reporter or writer, it just makes you stressed out. It isn’t romantic, it isn’t an honor and it isn’t a 20-second movie montage in which the plucky protagonist faces some hard times but then gets a big scoop and rides the wave of success that follows. It is just a way for your company to spend a little less money.

别再提那些决议了

If you want to change, make like a brand slogan and just do it. No more excuses. Years, months—time is all a c***truct you silly animal.

没人想要你自制的番茄酱

Ketchup is not something that needs to be elevated. Commercially made ketchup is a perfect condiment that is a genre unto itself.

别再唱“祝你生日快乐”

Pull up a karaoke track on YouTube and go for it. Compared to “Happy Birthday to You,” even “Bohemian Rhapsody” goes by quickly.

没有人愿意和一个又苦又累的人约会

As the wise man Ice Cube once said, “You better check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.”