我想给你们一个简短的窗口，让你们了解我在这个新闻事业的小角落里的生活。准备好了吗？来吧。今天，边缘新闻编辑室就吸血鬼是否会拉屎展开了激烈的辩论。我没开玩笑。

吸血鬼没道理

“当然不是！”一位记者哭了起来。”他们不呼吸，因此他们没有新陈代谢来处理血液作为食物，“这是有意义的。”“嗯，血液不会通过消化道，”一位编辑说血液通过魔法使它们恢复活力，所以无论发生在接触吸血鬼的嘴或皮肤上，都不需要排泄，“这也是有意义的。”“我们能不能承认，”另一位记者问，“如果他们不把他们摄取的血液排泄为食物，那就一定是违反了质量守恒定律？”然后我的脑袋爆炸了。

克里斯·齐格勒找到了我们需要的完美答案。是在雅虎！答案如下：

1. Vampires, defined as a humanoid being that MUST c***ume blood or energy to survive do not exist. Cut and paste time, as it is too much work to type this out over and over and I "recycle" my own answers instead of retyping them so here goes. A brief discussion of the human digestive system and then the probable vampire population given an exponential growth rate should explain why vampires are not possible.

2. The human body is not designed to process large amounts of blood for nutrition. There is not enough protein, carbohydrates, and fats present in blood to maintain a complex creature such as Homo Sapiens or any theorized offshoot mutati***. When a human ingests food it is first broken up into a bolus by chewing, then churned up in the stomach with digestive juices to form a mass called chyme. It then passes through the pylorus into the duodenum, part of the **all intestine where it mixes with bile salts and secreti*** from the pancreas and liver which continue breaking it down on a molecular basis, mostly affecting fats at this point. The broken down nutrients pass through the wall of the intestines and into the bloodstream where they are carried to each cell or stored for later use. Indigestible bulk continues through the intestines, turning a dark brown from the bile. Water is absorbed from this mass in the large intestine depending on the needs of the body - a well-hydrated person will usually have a softer stool than a dehydrated person will. Water also enters the bloodstream, and this is what helps to maintain blood pressure. The pressure tends to balance itself in a healthy person because the bloodstream goes through a formation in the kidney called the Loop of Henle, where the narrowing blood vessel forces excess water and cellular waste such as urea out through the cellular wall into the kidneys, where it is excreted through the ureters into the bladder, and then out of the body via the urethral passageway.

3. IMPORTANT - A person physically unable to process his own food for nutrition therefore also could not process blood - it's the same process. Ingested blood does not tran**it directly to the veins anyway - it would be chemically broken down by the digestive system.

4. Theoretical ingestion of blood to supply these nutrients would therefore have to occur at least once a day, and would require the ingestion of the entire blood supply which could not happen as the stomach is far too **all to hold that much liquid volume. Hold up your clenched fist - under normal conditi*** your stomach is about that size. Furthermore, such a mass would be difficult to pass thru the intestines as it has no fibrous bulk, would create an intestinal impaction, causing massive vomiting from the large concentration of iron present, and any "real" vampire would have to eventually expel the waste, which would come out as a black, tarry, **elly goo, just as stool does when blood is present from a upper GI bleed.

ANYONE who tells you such things are "real" is either living in a fantasy, lying through their teeth, has mistaken autonomic biofeedback **********/endorphin release for "draining", or are caught up in a delusion bordering on mental illness.

Drinking blood is a behavior of choice, not one of physiological necessity.

I'm a Nurse, real education, real experience.

Lord Bearclaw of Gryphon Woods

好吧。